I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
