Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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