By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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