my phone needs a breathalizer
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I party with great urgency now.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
