Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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