the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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