Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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