Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
BRING THE BAGELS
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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