The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
