You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
