I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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