and she was petting her beer can
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize
