The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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