i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
there was a trapeze. enough said
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
