She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
