can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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