Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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