my mouth tastes like poor choices
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
