I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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