Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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