I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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