you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
