Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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