oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize