I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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