I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
