let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
