If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Is it penis luge time yet?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
