You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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