you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Fuck appropriateness.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
