i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
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