just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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