Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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