the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
