i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
