singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
