i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
