3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
