my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
