i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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