I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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