am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
