Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
