I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
