He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
