What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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