I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
