i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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