He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
