A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
