in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
