I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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