Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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