Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize