I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
