Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
