just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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