You're a womanizer and a bitch.
look no pants
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
whose parrot is this?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
