dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
