I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
