so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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