I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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