I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
