First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
