We won't sleep together?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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